Wired for Love: The Neurobiology of Dating and Love
An Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin and Kaleigh Isaacs
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What You’ll Learn:
- Hear the insights of a neurobiological approach to relationships and how to integrate these insights into your relationships
- Explore several common relationship myths that do more harm than good
- Learn what happens to our brains when we fall in love and mature in love
About Dr. Stan Tatkin
Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a couple therapist known for his pioneering work in helping partners form happy, secure, and long-lasting relationships. His method—called PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®)—draws on principles of neuroscience and teaches partners to become what he terms “secure-functioning.” Together with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, Dr. Tatkin founded the PACT Institute to train psychotherapists and other professionals how to incorporate his method into their practices with couples. Therapists from all over the world are being trained in this breakthrough approach. Dr. Tatkin has a private practice in Calabasas, CA, and is an assistant professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is the author of several books, including the bestselling Wired For Love and Wired For Dating published by New Harbinger.
To check out more of Dr. Stan Tatkin’s work you can visit his personal website as well as The PACT Institute.
About Kaleigh Isaacs
Kaleigh is the Founder of the Awake Network and producer of the Mindful Relationship Summit. She aspires to create a platform that encourages collaboration and allows people around the world to access wisdom teachings for free. She loves using strange metaphors related to gardening, dancing and sea creatures.
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Dr. Stan Tatkin’s interview is filled with a great approach to noticing what’s going on in ourselves as well as our (potential) partner. In this comprehensive segment,this sort of presence and straight talk of value systems and agreements are the greatest short guide and overview to creating the relationships we richly deserve!….and ending the ones that cannot show up in this high integrity playing field
My husband Martin and I watched this teaching with interest and pleasure and we feel so happy, that we managed to stay longer than the hormones and we find ways out of automatism :-). Mindful (Self-) Compassion helps 😀
We met each other in a more mature age, 12 years ago, web I was in my end 30s and he in his end 40s.
Thank you for your knowledge, helps us to understand.
As someone who studied Neuroscience for my Bachelor’s degree, I found this interview particularly interesting and compelling, so thank you 🙂 I do wonder, however, if humans – especially in the current day and age of our evolution – are really “meant” to be in long-term relationships wherein we commit to each other for life (not that Dr. Tatkin explicitly stated this, but it could be an implicit take-away). I feel that such long-term relationships have been historically significant for our survival individually and collectively, but not so much anymore. With divorce rates so high and the number of single-by-choice people surging, I wonder if we’re not going through an evolutionary shift wherein the emphasis is less on long-term relationships and more on just being present with “what is” moment to moment, and whoever is with us in that moment to moment (all the while being committed to oneself and one’s own values and bringing that commitment to whatever relationships we’re in). In light of this curiosity of mine, I wonder about the biological “evidence” that exists/doesn’t exist for humans as being wired for long-term monogamous relationships, if Dr. Tatkin would care to share his knowledge and insight …
Too bad these life skills are not taught to people early on. Since they are not taught therapists can be assured of an endless supply of clients. Excellent interpersonal information for truly ANY relationship. Find that I have a number of friendships that actually rarely meet my needs except on a limited basis. Lots to reflect upon. Ultimately does one even want the responsibility that is inherent in a satisfying intimate relationship? To me this is the penultimate question.
Thanks a lot for this interview! I found your words very easy to follow and relate to.
It would be so useful to have an emotions management and self awareness workshops in all of our schools to train people to be more conscious about themselves and other people around!!
Thank you so much for this interview! Dr Stan Tatkin put into words so much of what I had started to think regarding having a longer term satisfying relationship. This is a way to wake up even more and be present to everything in our lives. Thank you! Thank you!
thank you both. Kaleigh, you are a great interviewer asking questions that elicit what we want to do in a thoughtful way that allows the interview to build upon itself. Stan, you do a wonderful job of condensing complex material into something helpful and useful. I was with a group of men last night, and our conversation skirted this topic. Time to return to the drawing board and discuss it with more intention, so that we might pursue the relationships we desire and need. Very hopeful for those of us who have been around a block or two ….
Excellent… came from a lot of wisdom.. and real life
Now this is what we call a logical approach to relationships. Thanks Dr. Tatkin! Would like to know more about “Outside Meditation” and its effects if you could help. 🙂
Great work, the synthesis of an understanding of the neurobiological impact on human behavior, culture and the express use of social contracts to define and defend the couple in their evolving relationship is paramount to managing successful relationships. I particularly enjoyed the clarity around understanding the duty to one another to co-create a relationship that nourishes protects each other, This clarity is essential to partner selection.
This was absolutely wonderful! So insightful and gave me such a helpful framework for understanding the basis for how to form and maintain healthy relationship. Thank you!
Reality based relating! Thank you…. The blend of social and neurobiological understanding is brilliant! I appreciate your work….
I was totally engaged. The interview with Dr Tatkin and the questions asked by Kaleigh calmed a restlessness in me. I gained tools that I can use. The theory made sense. When Kaleigh asked about effort ( if one person is putting more effort into the relationship than the other I.e. attending this Summit.) and how do we manage that in the other person, Dr Tatkin’s simple response of ‘ you have to deal with me or why are we doing this’ (or similar) was a light bulb moment for me. The Social Contract Theory resonants hope.
You have laid the groundwork for a fine way about coming into a joyful partnership with another here; the likes of which I have found in no other place/person. Sufficed to say, such great work, thank you so much, and keep going! The world awaits, and your timing is impeccable. 🙂
Referring to the last couple minutes with the video, what do I do I CV if I did not know to properly “vet” at the start of the relationship, and I am now over a year and a half into said relationship? How do I proceeded? My partner seems to willing to work with me on some issues, but on others, is quiete unmoving and rigid?
*quite
Please omit “CV” from my response – it was s typo. Thanks.